Tuesday, November 29, 2005
and so, here we are again

for the benefit of people who keep forgetting my passwords, and have no interest in witnessing my angst anyway, i have decided to have a whole new password-free, public blog. this means i can be persecuted for anything and everything by enraged accidental readers, bless their little booties.

this morning, i was lying curled up in my bed, reading 'maid marian', when someone knocked on my door and jean's face poked in. it was shortly followed by joan's. needless to say, i hadn't been expecting them, but fortunately my underwear was safely off the floor and in my drawer. chris, you aren't the only one to charm the security guard. i ought to try that some day. anyway, after recovering from my mild heart attack, i put two and two together, albiet very slowly, and came to the [correct] conclusion regarding joan's very enigmatic msg this morning. apparently jean knew i wouldn't think twice about telling craftly ol' joan what buses go where. things get pretty dangerous when your best friend gangs up with another friend [with the mental ability of a seventeen-year-old girl and the mental age of a seven-year-old boy] to hijack your bedroom for the morning. so. i lent them my shirts, and we went down to town to get our hair cut. that is, joan and i. the male hairdresser who did my hair was rather gay, no offence to gays out there / gay-right-activists / anti-homophobics / etc, etc [see this is why i don't like blogs that random people can stumble upon?]. but honestly, which straight, non-metrosexual guy would cut hair with a flourish?? he flicked my hair all over the place, and i left with tiny hair bits on my face. joan's haircut was nice anyway. no, it was not too guy. as if her haircuts are ever girly anyway. she did her job as my fake bung really well years ago, i haven't heard from the person since, although some people don't seem to have forgotten that particular episode. honestly though, she was pretty darned hot in that sexy top we made her try on the other day. we should start Mission: Girlify Joan very soon. it will be amusing, if nothing else.

read two books today; maid marian and kicks. midway through maid marian, robin hood entered the scene. and yours truly was swept off her feet. he was smug, cocky, and brimming with confidence. not to mention dashingly handsome. a little too cock-sure, but who could blame him? fiery tempered, too. but with a hidden vulnerable side. hmm. then in 'kicks' [by janet fitch, author of white oleander], i discovered the breed of jonathons. mild mannered, quietly witty, intelligent, and well, mature. not to say that robin hood wasn't. but if you read harry potter fanfics the way i do, [of course i don't read the real books, do i look like i enjoy reading dictionary-sized volumes that aren't half as intelligent as the lord of the rings? oops so shoot me, rowling fans.] you would know what i mean when i say it's draco versus remus. i realise i have way too many ideals, and conflicting ones at that. maybe i should start eliminating the sterotypes i really dislike instead. such as the ah beng, the mr cool, the attention-seeker.. gosh the list goes on. i really shouldn't bother pursuing the matter should i? anyway the robin hood / jonathon dilema stumped chris too. HAHA. i shall begin the next novel tomorrow. some japanese historical romance fiction. sounds exciting huh. chris can keep her ears peeled for the next mr right.

all right i know some people really want to know about the whole, well, issue, so here's my press statement. no, not that issue. argh speaking in riddles is getting confusing. anyway, i've decided, life's for the living. i don't see the point in selling myself short just because someone, whose opinion doesn't even matter in the least to me, happens to be in the way. so i'm done with apologies. i'm done with being the submissive asian girl. i'm pretty sure of what i want. maybe before this my record mattered. only now, i realise.. it was tainted long before i had anything to do with it. directly, anyway. so hell, it can't get worse, i'm going to do something that's right by me for once. so what if it's social suicide? so what if maybe i'll find out in the future that all i've really done is cut down the top half of the ladder i want to climb? cos life's too short, and if heaven means not knowing your name, the names of my friends, people who matter.. then life's more than just about this. did that even make sense? nevermind. bottom line is, life's not over. we all make mistakes. if this is a mistake, i'm going to make it anyway. i'm just going to trust that you'll be right by me, like you always said you'd be. will you? because before december is over, i'm going to make things clear. this has been weighing on me too long. is this too cryptic? i avoided this topic last week, because it makes me mad to think about it. but i know you've been wondering.. so.. here it is.

by the way. i'm rethinking psychology. i really am back to where i was, a year ago. if you take a transparency, scribble all over it, and place it over the same spot on the map, anyway. i write really long posts, hooray. this is an attempt to scare off potential readers. i realise i now officially have about 5 layers. hurrah. i think ally knows what i mean. hmm.


9:57 PM ; 5 comments