Saturday, December 03, 2005
excitement versus the lack thereof

my life right now is rather boring. no i am not complaining. i love it boring. if it reverts back to being 'very exciting' -quote siti- and full of stomach-churning shocks, i will die. okay so i'm being melodramatic today. frankly though, after all the bovine scratology of this year, i will never complain again when i have an entire day to do nothing except read fanfic that i've read at least thrice already, until i get a bleeping headache from the glare of the computer screen. draco's wit and charm [or should i say, the author's? hmm] is worth it though. i've been wishing for a boring life vehemently for the past few weeks. now that my wish is granted, i'm not very sure what i'd thought i'd be doing with all this free time, at the point of wishing. i mean, sure i'm in one piece, not being [falsely?] accused of random crimes, or locked up in jail [this truly scared me for a very long three hours, until i realised i'm underaged for jail anyway, and who knows whom i'd fall in love with at the girls' home. i'm kidding, you homophobics], or anything else i seem to get myself into, but there's no one to talk to, now my sister's gone off. and sitting in her room is no fun when i have to sit alone, and scare myself silly looking into the mirror. yes i look that terrifying in glasses. i am not complaining of boredom.

because in a few days, things might get a little too loud and nerve-wrecking. or exciting, depending on whether you're on the recieving end of uncontrolled wrath, or a mildly interested passerby. frankly, it can only end one way. because i've decided to achieve that end, either through persuasion or plain provocation. whether or not i leave with my eardrums [and pride] intact, remains to be seen. why is it that when it's technically none of my business, i have no qualms about standing up and saying exactly what i think? but i don't trust myself as much as i trust my friends when it comes to things like the unintended consequences of my [tongue-in-cheek, mind you] comments and various misunderstandings that stem from other people's inability to appreciate [or understand, it seems] the aforementioned. i am of course being an arrogant prick, feel free to blow up my head.

i wish my sec3 teacher had never written that i need to learn tact, it has left me doubtful of my own ability to field dangerous situations ever since. of course i always say the very things most people keep to themselves, and end up in even worse trouble. except with mrs lee. for some reason she appreciated honesty and had a sense of humour. i remember vividly the hour i spent in her office, where i told her that i thought certain new rules were completely pointless, and she very patiently explained them to my sixteen-year-old mind. frankly though, i prefer pointless rules to anarchy.

i have a brilliant [and possibly foolish] idea. i'll just imagine i'm not standing up for myself, i'm standing up for someone else. it's a lot easier to protect someone you actually believe in.
10:54 PM ; 11 comments