Saturday, January 14, 2006
the art of alchemy

last night was the orientation campfire night. i hadn't meant to stay for that, but there is much to be said about the persuasiveness of my classmates (really just mari, candy and annie), whose combined forces have often made it easier for me to just be sociable and skip the nagging. i stayed behind with candy because she didn't want to stay alone while the others had other things on. we were supposed to mug. well she did, sort of. i read through the revenger's tragedy (which i find immensely funny) before i got distracted by the way the huge tree outside our bench looks against the sky. its trunk twists to the right, but the branches reach upwards and out to the sky. i always wanted to be an artist, to paint the sunlight on the water, and the wind that kisses the soft new leaves. a picture paints a thousand words - words are, afterall, a level below pictures.

well back to the campfire. the j1s were really enthusiastic. hooray for them. i haven't yelled or cheered or danced like no one's watching in a while. two years, to be exact. my dislike for crowds and noise has intensified since i stopped going to campfires, and i've become more sensitive to smoke. i never thought i'd be this way. but i guess it's easy to let your hair down when all your friends are equally insane, if not more, and they've seen you at your best and at your worst - heck, they've even seen you in your underwear. this is your thanks, plc 03/04.

anyway the campfire was nice, yadda yadda bang bang go read someone else's blog. after that we went to kap and had a supper of sorts with the junior class. i confess that i still don't know half of them, much less their names. then again i still don't know the names of half my seniors. while i'm in the confessing mood, i might as well confess to feeling guilty about being such an evil twat to everyone in general and people who don't know me in particular. if you wanted to be psycho-analytic about it, you might conclude that i am unbearably sarcastic and hurtful in order to avoid being hurt. and unfriendly because i don't know how to be friendly. so umm, my bark is worse than my bite, unless you try to bite my friends, in which case i will bite off your head without hesitation. anyway i only thought about it because i haven't been nice to the juniors. hell, i've been pretty prickly. then i tried to be nice to my mortal because su min told me he was a small, serious looking guy, but i don't know how to be nice to someone i don't know, so i ended up sounding schizophrenic. i guess i'll try harder to actually be a normal human being in future.

i've been listening to sad love songs, and these are the lyrics stuck in my head:

'i could build a tower out of steel and stone, but trying to build a bridge to you is something i can't seem to do. if i could turn this dust to gold, you'd see it clearly - trying to earn your love is just like trying to learn the art of alchemy.' - the alchemist

'maybe when time goes by, i'll understand.. let's pretend that i've moved on, and i'll tell myself that life goes on without you.' - i run away

by the way, i was thinking of cutting my hair. short. like what my mother has been pestering me to do for years. i mean, i honestly waste a lot of water and shampoo on my hair, plus it's a bother to maintain (ie dry and comb and somehow tie up). i shouldn't let traumatically bad short hair in primary school still influence me.. right? two years ago, the hairdresser wanted to cut my hair short, pageboy style. she asked, 'ni xiang xing wo ma?' (my han yu pin ying may be wrong, but it means do you trust me), and i said, no, fast. so she left my hair long, but in a pageboy style. it wasn't that awful. since i have an obsession with cutting my hair (i'm convinced it somehow helps, but there is little evidence of anything positive, except that my hair grows pretty fast), i might as well cut it short just once, for fun, and whine for years after that while growing it out again.. right? i really don't know. but i have this premonition that if i do cut my hair, i won't get an offer, even if it doesn't turn out horrifically hideous. people seem to prefer girls with long hair. okay, i give up, mari. you're right. i'm obsessed with my hair. i just spent an entire paragraph on it, and i haven't even decided on anything yet. kick me.
8:40 PM ; 4 comments