Saturday, January 28, 2006
don't read if you dislike me talking about christianity and self-discovery

i'm halfway through 'i kissed dating goodbye' and i must say it's one of the best books i've read recently. i'm really glad that mellie [who is a real blessing] kept bugging me to read it. if i was convinced at the beginning of the year that romance is not on the cards for me, i'm absolutely certain now. my singlehood gives me the flexibility and freedom to develop and establish myself as a person, and to serve God wholeheartedly. a relationship would just distract me from what's important right now, and i don't have the time or energy to invest in a serious relationship. i also believe that i'm worth waiting three, even four years for. i always believed that one should date with marriage in mind, but seeing the rationale in print seals it for me. i really thank God for mellie. frankly, if it weren't for her, i'd be really discouraged with how everyone else is taking my news. they seem to think i'm mad and smile indulgently, the way they do about my ambition. the two are very much related. maybe i'm not as sane outwardly as most people, but i'm real. i have flesh and blood, i breathe, i feel. i hate feeling patronised. either support or oppose me outright. i know what i'm doing. i finally know what i'm doing. i'm trying to share what i've learnt with them, but they just laugh and keep playing the world's game. funny i care more about them getting hurt than they do. i pray that God opens their eyes and hearts.

i've decided:
1. no more romance novels / love movies / fairytales / love songs. they just make you discontented with what you have, when they're just pretty lies. besides, if we all followed God's plans for us, there would be no such thing as heartbreak, so we wouldn't need sad love songs. i don't even know why i listened to them when they don't apply to me.
2. to embrace my singlehood and focus on serving God and establishing myself as a person until i'm at least 21.
3. to apply for a mission trip as soon as possible, so that there's time to attend the necessary training. and also to research on more mission organisations for long-term service. i'm trying to find singaporean ones, if anyone knows of any.
4. to stop swearing. really. and be more morally upright. this probably means less cracking jokes about things i really shouldn't even consider. like genocide and homicide and bombs.

you probably feel like telling me to go shove something like a hot poker up my arse right now, but that's okay, i feel fantastic today. it's good to know where you're going. it's even better to know that it's God-approved. i really owe a lot to you, mel. you've gotta help keep me on track - remind me of what's really important every time i lose focus.

but this doesn't mean that i'm going to embrace shopping in crowds and all that. i still dislike noise and crowds. and incidentally i was rather annoyed that the newspaper published a report on the green areas of singapore. now everyone is going to flood the botanic gardens and i shall be very annoyed.
9:41 PM ; 0 comments