Saturday, January 21, 2006
what's the colour of your eyes?

i honestly don't know where yesterday's good mood went. i slept in today because i liked the dream so much i didn't want to wake up. i do that sometimes - consciously extend dreams. but someone once said that if you laugh before breakfast, you'll cry before dinner.

we met to celebrate jan's birthday [very belatedly] today. i know it's crazy, the weather is horrible and the humidity could frizz up a doll's hair, but i honestly do like sitting on grass and watching the sky and water and trees. unfortunately the bugs and birds seemed to bother the others. i'm not scared of birds, i just think that pigeons are very ugly. jan and i compared our 16pf results - she complained that she's too average, and i complained that i'm too exteme. i wonder if there's anyone on earth who actually loves and accepts herself completely for who she is. that person would have one hell of a big ego.

had to go for a reunion dinner after that. i think i said about 20 words in 2 or so hours. the noise was overwhelming. even after we'd left, my ears were still ringing from the clatter and chatter. i hate crowds and i hate noise, and i hate them together. it seems that chinese are incapable of having quiet, civilised reunions. or maybe the restaurant tried to stuff too many people into one room. ever felt noise pressing against you like a solid wave, threatening to crush you? after an hour of trying to hear myself think, i was on the brink of crying from the sheer force of the overwhelming noise. two hours later, i was contemplating genocide. i don't even know what i'm doing online when i haven't quite prepared for my sunday school lesson tomorrow. or done any homework. and i'm supposed to present some econs essay thing that i haven't done, on monday. plus tomorrow's my sister's birthday and we're going out to celebrate. i congratulate myself daily on my superb time management.

oddly enough, these lyrics struck me yesterday:
I'm staring out at the sky (I see you baby)
Praying that he will walk in my life
Where is the man of my dreams (right here) yea-yeah
I'll wait forever, how silly it seems
How does he laugh? How does he cry? What's the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?
Where is he? Where is he? Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?

why do we all wait for something that isn't going to come walking in through the door? in ever after, the prince was angsting away about soulmates. basically he said everything i ever wondered about. and the truth is, if it's meant to be, it'll just be. don't ask me what i'd do if my soulmate were non-christian, because that isn't going to happen. if he's my soulmate, he'll be christian and witty and he'll share my warped sense of humour and want to serve alongside me in a developing country, so there.

why do i compromise everything except my unrealistic dreams? sorry i'm not all chirpy today. i miss everyone terribly. i would give the rest of the hair on my head to see the plc03/04 right now.
10:35 PM ; 2 comments