Friday, February 10, 2006
watermark

i realise i've adopted a habit that is disgraceful and unhealthy in equal parts.

i sleep too much. at the wrong time. i snack on whatever i can find when i reach home, then plop off to sleep without even taking off my contacts. when i wake up, usually around 8 plus, i have to pluck my very dry contacts out of my eyes painfully. and then eat dinner. i haven't obeyed the doctor's instructions regarding diet yet. i'm still too used to eating what i want to, when i want to. ahhh, food.

wild rice came to school today. i have opinions that i won't post here. check elsewhere another time. but the session after the play felt a lot like a pc lesson.

am currently reading 'twilight of the idols / the anti-christ' by friedrich nietzche. the introduction says they were written during the last sane year of his life. i beg to differ - his wild accusations lead me to conclude that he was more than slightly insane when writing the books. i am also deeply offended by his portrayal of Christ as a man, when history clearly states that he died and rose again - can a man do that? but i guess i can't draw any cohesive conclusion until i have finished both books. his self-contradictory claims combined with his 'utterly unfair attacks on individuals' -as quoted from the blurb- slow down my reading. stopping to argue with myself is quite confusing, and if it weren't for my faith, i would very probably sink into depression and throw myself against the wall or something equally dramatic, such is the horrid blackness of the human nature. i can see why my parents said philosophy is not for the easily swayed. i cannot imagine tackling enquiries into human nature and life, without a grounding of some sort. no wonder he went mad.

incidentally, i am accused every gp lesson of being a crazy rightist by huiying. then again, she's the power-hungry leftist who aspires to be a dictator. i'll have to think up arguments to support my cause, since it has become apparent that i really am a crazy rightist, as seen from my answer to today's aq question. we sit in a row, as if embodying the political scale, conservative to liberal. poor sumin gets stuck in the middle and has to put up with our arguing over her head. it's even worse when we sit together - i can hear her clearly then, instead of odd mumblings about prudes. i'm quite sure she didn't mean prunes.

my i-group is going to st. luke's tomorrow. i have no idea who are my i-group members. or even who's the group leader. hooray for me, i'm the postergirl for friendliness. but i can push a wheelchair, if that helps. even if i can't speak any dialect and people want to punch my lights out when they see me.

watermark is an incredibly painful song. the notes fall, uncontrolled, like raindrops dripping off a railing, swelling to fullness before free-falling and hitting the ground, disappearing, lost in the puddle slowly growing. they fall off your fingers, a question hanging thickly in the air, a doubt, an absurd desire to hold back your words, each note a letter. you try to grab them back, hide them behind an air of nonchalence, but the sound is a free-for-all, come-and-get-it commodity. so you press each key lightly, almost reluctantly, trying in measured naunces to express yourself without giving too much away. and at the back of my mind, i'll always see those droplets welling up and dripping down like slow tears, a strange physical attraction to the ground - gravity.
8:31 PM ; 0 comments