Monday, March 20, 2006
keep that chin up, you'll be all right

exams traumatise most people. as they do me. it hadn't occured to me, however, that identification might be a bit of a problem with my uglifying campaign. the problem? i don't look like myself anymore. frankly even i get a bit of a jolt when i look at my pictures and think, hell, this was me? so there i was, minding my own business, trying to do the math paper, when the invigilator picked up my i/c and stared at the picture. then stared at me. and repeated this about five times until i was finally bothered enough to raise my head and offer a slight, apologetic smile. the visible shock on her face was embarrassing. i don't even know why i'm so bothered by the incident. besides the fact that the a'levels might prove to be a bit of a problem if i can't prove i'm me. i should have considered the inconvenience before embarking on my campaign to uglify myself. too late now, but people'll be completely blown away by my miraculous transformation back to my normal self when i finally get back to it. =D i snigger to myself at all the old ladies who struggle to lie politely to my mother about having two pretty daughters, when i'm standing right there in front of them with my short hair and glasses and dowdy clothes.

chris called just now. we talked for 34 minutes. i think her bill is going to explode. i'm getting a calling-card tomorrow so she won't have to live off other people. the trouble with brushing people off is that you become so used to rejecting them, you just don't know how to say 'yes' even when you really really really want to. it isn't a very comforting realisation.

sometimes i wonder who the hell reads this. o silent readers. hahaha. i want to watch gangs of new york. i was underaged when it came out. i like the picture of him with her up against the wall. it's incredibly hot. intense, simmering and a hair's breadth away from combusting spontaneously. like the peak of a crescendo just before it tumbles back down into a humming, lilting lullaby. the sort of thing that makes you cry in books, because beautiful things make you cry. when i think about eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, i think of fate and destiny, and how you can't run away from them, because you're inherently the same person who's going to go (and rather naturally at that) straight down the path that you automatically choose. i call it destiny. my sister calls it stupidity. either way, it's very real. if i could erase my memory, i would, but then i'd just make the same mistakes all over again, wouldn't i? there is a fine line between realism and pessimism, and sometimes i don't know which side you're on.
9:16 PM ; 2 comments