Wednesday, May 10, 2006
love is overrated

i wasn't paying attention in lit tut today. for once. firstly because i didn't see the need to (was getting quite impatient with the needless repetition and pointless points), and secondly because i was distracted by the book. god of small things is so freaking sad. the bit where estha leaves on the train, and they try to say everything while saying nothing at all. the bit where rahel is so hung up that 'a little less her mother loved her'. the love laws. that lay down who should be loved, and how, and how much.

if he touched her, he couldn't talk to her, if he loved her he couldn't leave, if he spoke he couldn't listen, if he fought he couldn't win.

the slippery glint of sunlight on a swirling, twirling disc exploding across the air.

i'm listening to the rent soundtrack. nice music, nice singing.. what's there not to like? occasionally funny, poignant and sad.. i like 'will i' in particular. only four lines, sung over and over by several characters, blending and melding into each other, harmonized but separate. pain is rather personal. will i lose my dignity.. will someone care? will i wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

i have never liked my name.

i remember you, and quite well at that, although i pretend not to. i don't know why i do that. no wait maybe i do. because it saves me a lot of embarrassment, and puts me on a sort of moral (out of oblivion, really) high ground. and because i'm a bitch. oh, joy.

but sometimes i really do forget people.. and quite often at that.. names and faces and not-so familiar places. i forget how we came together and how we parted, whether or not your smile reached your eyes, and how you were wearing your mask that day. names are easiest to forget, i guess, unless i really liked your name or it struck me for some reason. but mostly i have a recollection of a shape, a shadow, a silhouette, and nothing more.

you're so unguarded when you think no one's watching. but isn't everyone? it's so tiring to keep up the charade.

my black diamond.

and because i hate talking about money, i will snap if you insist on bringing it up.
8:30 PM ; 0 comments