Monday, May 08, 2006
on 7th may, 2004

and i just realised what date yesterday was. damn. how could i forget?

7th may. do you remember? breathless fear, worry, pain. the way we clutched each other and held hands and prayed, even though we knew somehow that she was already gone. two years on and i still feel the chills thinking about that day, the still air and choked sobs. i remember the way farrah fell sobbing to the ground, clutching her middle. the way i ran to mellie in the canteen and hugged her, singing 'God will make a way'. i remember holding hands, holding hands. i remember turning around to siti, red-eyed, and asking her if we could raise the school flag to half-mast. i remember watching it being lowered slowly the next day, and how i've never been able to look at a flag at half-mast ever since without a twist of pain. i remember resenting the media reports. i remember it was mothers' day that weekend. i remember hating her for being so cold and untouched and vaguely amused, i remember screaming, 'that's someone's mother, someone's daughter, someone's wife and someone's friend'. i remember the orbituary page. i remember 'superwoman' and 'be thou my vision'. i remember holding you. i remember my last guard-of-honour duty. saluting as it went past. my last salute. guards-of-honour show no emotion. i remember i was afraid i might cry. but i don't remember if i did, then. there was so much crying in the days after 7th may that i just don't remember every detail anymore.

and i remember the day i found those verses, the beatitudes, underlined in my study bible, with a single date written beside them.

why am i the only one who's still so hung up about it? move on, girl, move on. you don't have to wrap every shard of glass around your heart.

but i still remember. do you?
8:46 PM ; 0 comments