Friday, June 30, 2006
Copacabana - Barry Manilow

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?

At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa....they fell in love

(Copa Copacabana)

His name was Rico, he wore a diamond
He was escorted to his chair, he saw Lola dancin' there
And when she finished, he called her over
But Rico went a bit too far, Tony sailed across the bar
And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two
There was blood and a single gun shot
But just who shot who?

At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa....she lost her love

(Copa. . Copacabana)
(Copa Copacabana) (Copacabana, ahh ahh ahh ahh)
(Ahh ahh ahh ahh Copa Copacabana)
(Talking Havana have a banana)
(Music and passion...always the fash--shun)

Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl
But that was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show
Now it's a disco, but not for Lola
Still in the dress she used to wear, faded feathers in her hair
She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind
She lost her youth and she lost her Tony
Now she's lost her mind!

At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa....don't fall in love

(Copa) don't fall in love
Copacabana
Copacabana

etc. to end
11:21 PM ; 0 comments

Monday, June 26, 2006
the end is nearing.

okay, i'm in a hurry to eat dinner, so i'll do this quickly. (am in a fantastic mood despite initial moodiness because bev admitted that mark is geeky-cute in la vie boheme)

was sick yesterday, slept the entire day. that's probably why my mind was so active when i slept at night, because.. i dreamt i was being chased by nazis! honestly! i know my history is terrible, but it felt a lot like WWII. i don't remember much, just creeping silently, heart pounding, along dusty corridors of some huge school, trying to make my way to a trapdoor hiding a cavity above some rooms. guns. gunpowder. dust floating in the sunlight. blood on the floor. hushed breathing. murmurs. fear like a drug. mmhmm. oh and before that i was in the middle of this huge lush green field, screaming someone's name into the wind that tore my voice away. i think the person died trying to protect me. yeah. isn't it amazing? half the time i'm waiting for death, but in my dream i'm running away from it. maybe i don't want to die violently. maybe what i really want is peace. shall think about this another time.

okay gp sucked, end of story.

ooh, my gp teacher is marrying her gay best friend! i mean i thought he was her gay best friend, because gay best friends are such nice things to have. but apparently he's her straight fiance, since they're marrying. yup. i love weddings! they make me believe in love. somewhat.

now i have to rush out some math to ask my math teacher tomorrow or she'll know i'm a horrible slacker and i'll feel terrible. maybe i'll tell her i was sick. hmm. gahhhh. whyyyy do i do these things to myself?? could have just studied during the hols but nooo i had to get all distracted by sleep and draco and remus fanfics (separately). sigh.

oh and then i feel asleep. this time i dreamt that my sister knew about this blog and was reading it in my room. really weird, i know. i can't remember the rest of the dream now. chances are, it's probably been recorded in my memory as history anyway. this is probably why i come off as slightly deranged a lot of the time. oh and i sleepwalked the other night. yup. not sure about the sleeptalking anymore. i bet my roommates have a hell of a time listening to me pour out my undying love for some random fictional character or other.

i suddenly know what i dreamt of! i dreamt my sister bought me these mint slice timtam balls. hah! i shall tell her about it, but i bet she won't buy them for me =(
7:02 PM ; 2 comments

Friday, June 23, 2006
i'm her destitute relative

i could build a tower out of steel and stone, but trying to build a bridge to you is something i can't seem to do.

watching friends all day does this to me. get me all sappy, i mean. instead of being focused, discplined and studious, as all good jc students ought to be at this point in time, it being the last friday of the holidays before the exams and all. i am going to get an f for math. i warned my mother already. she just looked a bit stunned. my sister, who's still rather bitter about us being too poor to send her to england, claims that 4 a's are nothing, at which point i coughed pointedly. she didn't seem to like it very much when i told her that i won't be getting 3 a's anytime soon (or ever). but hey, people like me exist for the sole purpose of making other people (like her) feel better about themselves. i wonder when i stopped comparing myself to her. it must've gotten tiring after sixteen or so years. dreams are for those who can afford to have them.

incidentally, i ate an entire box of peanut-malt candies. i'm going to die of an internal heat stroke, or maybe i'll just get sick. becoming immune to my latest painkiller. i'll have to find some alternative soon - maybe after blocks.

if i could turn this dust to gold, you'd see it clearly - trying to earn your love is just like trying to learn the art of alchemy.

and hell, why i would even try to earn anybody's love is beyond me. i refuse to feel obliged to earn it. i won't long after it, won't yearn for it, won't do anything melodramatically romantic and sappy. hah! beat that, past-self! the lyrics are from the alchemist, by russel watson and lara fabian.
10:00 PM ; 3 comments

Wednesday, June 21, 2006
and i hope it takes me too

got this from cleo. (yes i read cleo, got a problem with that?) apparently my inner superheroine is jean grey, and i quote, 'you find yourself drawn to men who keep to themselves at social settings. you think they're enigmatic. actually, they're just bad at getting along with people.' i fell off my chair laughing. i'm only half jean grey anyway, the other half is wonder woman (the feminist half), and all these quizzes tend to be inaccurate (except for the above. but hey i'm strongly attracted to roger, my beloved fictional character).

this bit cracks me up. it's the scene where angel's asking mark and roger to join them at the life support meeting. okay you gotta hear it to appreciate it, but -
angel [sweetly]: roger?
roger [snarling]: i'm not much company, you'll find!
mark [warningly]: behave!
haha. they're all sweet in their own ways. and mark is hilariously funny in his faux-guile (or maybe it's not faux?) and geeky charm. roger's snarly prickliness, of course, is hot.

bev says the result above fits me to a T. shall sock her tomorrow. depressing thought. need more painkilers and other pills. shall go to the doctor sometime soon. hmm.
11:05 PM ; 0 comments

Sunday, June 18, 2006
there goes the third week

sermon was pretty good today. i guess i never really thought about pride as the ultimate obstacle. unfortunately, it's a huge sin of mine. i'll have to work on that. (damn. i just can't imagine - being open - putting myself out there - apologising when it matters - i think i need my shell back) but i shall try.

and i realise i have a soft spot for kids who can't really talk. i mean they look all cute and adorable (especially those solemn-looking ones.. they get me all 'awww') and they always look so happy playing with each other, laughing and running around and all that jazz, but when you get close enough to hear them interact with each other, sometimes they turn out to be horrible little demons. little kids (especially girls) can be so mean to each other. and they act like such innocent angels in front of adults! the little boys are simpler (which is why the girls bully them, oh dear i know now what an awful kid i was.. vague memories of being evil to the boys) and cuter in that 'awww' kinda way. until they are old enough to irritate me anyway. one of my sunday school kids is really cute (the solemn, big beautiful eyes sort) and his younger brother is also really really cute (big favourite with us older girls, huge eyes, solemn expression). i overheard the little one (he's about three or four) complaining grumpily to his mother the other day in his high-pitched voice as he stomped along, 'kor kor pushed me!' as his older brother walked behind, looking like a perfect angel as usual. it's really funny how the two of them interact. sometimes the older one leads him around by the hand, doing the whole big-protective-brother thing, and other times he just stands there in the middle of the room and hollers for his older sister. really really cute. and today he squeezed his way through a crowd of people as his mother hung on desperately to the collar of his shirt, but he managed to tug his way through. we who were behind them were laughing at his antics. which reminds me.. i'll be teaching again starting july. this means i'll be a lot busier.. i just pray that i'll do my duty to God by the children.

andd as usual, work remains undone. i need a lot more discipline. i can't even get out of bed these days. been vegetating too long. the bed is just so comfortable, and dreams are so beautiful. this whole life is starting to feel like a dream i'm just drifting through. i just want to be invisible. just sit there and watch the world go by, observing other people and psychoanalyzing them. it's so much safer than putting your heart on the line.

but i'm finally coming to terms with everyone leaving. yup. that was one of the things brought up at the camp. how i want to want to give God everything. i don't want to give God everything - yet. the desire just isn't there right now, i'm still holding back some things - my friendships, my pride, my bitterness and pain. but i wish i wanted to, because it all belongs to Him anyway. i can't devote my whole life to him if i refuse to admit that He alone owns all things, and even my friends are not my own. and the lesson that i should be learning from all this leaving and goodbyes isn't bitterness and turning into a prickly hermit, but well, learning that they were never meant to stay. in a non-bitter way.

how lucid. heh.
9:28 PM ; 0 comments

Saturday, June 17, 2006
somewhere inbetween

had a lot of things on my mind last night, but the thoughts have since faded from memory. i guess if they weren't important enough to be remembered in the first place, then i needn't bother with them, but by that reasoning, nothing would be important.

aside from the theological stuff that i learnt at camp, i also discovered that i need a lot of personal space. maybe that's why chris and i couldn't live together for more than a few days. i mean, i'm a snuggly person when i feel like it, but i also need my own space. i need time alone to think, to breathe, to well be alone. i guess i really liked it alone in the afternoon or at night when deborah (church friend and roommate) went off, and i just sat or lay there by myself, reading or thinking. and then i managed to cheese off two guys within five minutes, the first by being unfriendly and 'dao', the second by rejecting his very kind invitation to join the others at the beach (apparently i was the only one to say no, oops). maybe i should hang a sign around my neck saying 'highly flammable, do not disturb'. except sometimes i get happy and snuggly. gah.

and yep, i definitely have acquired a taste for death cab for cutie. surprisingly frank, whimsical and fresh lyrics, tunes that are easy on the ears, pretty cool drumming and guitar backgrounds.. a preoccupation with death in a non-morbid way, and a detachment that i appreciate. blame sher. i'm still in love with rent, though. musicals just have this charm. good singing, classically-trained-and-therefore-almost-perfect harmonies, characters, a storyline (complete with introduction, build-up, climax and resolution) and yeah i really like the way their voices blend together so beautifully. a piece of art, really.

on the bus back to singapore last night i spent quite a long while craning my neck to peer at the stars and scribbling down random words and phrases in the almost-complete darkness. i haven't checked my notebook yet, hopefully i'll be able to make sense of what i scrawled. i haven't written in ages. a year? maybe less. nothing to write. there are only so many ways to whine about love and life without fresh inspiration.

oh, and you know how i planned to get my studying done at camp? well, it didn't happen. goodbye stellar grades (did i ever know thee?), hello f's. and i like these lyrics:

Different Names For The Same Thing

Alone on a train aimless in wonder
An outdated map crumbled in my pocket
But I didn't care where I was going
'Cause they're all different names for the same place.

The coast disappeared when the sea drowned the sun
And I have no words to share it with anyone
The boundaries of language I quietly cursed
And all the different names for the same thing.

There are different names for the same things
There are different names for the same things...

oh, and i thought of something else. maybe i should try harder to assimilate myself into normal society. my sister asked if i'm going for this young adults cg thing. i thought it's for the old people ie her, but apparently someone else my age is going. maybe i should. spiritual food and all that jazz. i really admire how they are so open with each other, because i can't imagine telling them my life story (even though we more or less grew up together), much less what i really think and feel. maybe i should try opening myself up. to what, attack? who knows. maybe i shouldn't. self-preservation, my dear. i don't know. maybe i don't care. tired of caring.. emotions are futile, too easily roused and extinguished. i don't need new friends, don't want them. i don't need the emotional baggage. what i have is good enough, more than enough.
4:33 PM ; 0 comments

Sunday, June 11, 2006
there are no callouses on your fingertips

so, i'm leaving. on a coach, to be specific. probably won't sleep tonight, will be up packing. although packing what in particular, i'm not sure yet. clothes? i don't have a lot, just a couple of tshirts and shorts, maybe a pair of jeans. if this were a proper (by this i mean guides) camp, we'd be sharing soap and shampoo and toothpaste, but since it's not, i'm not sure what to pack - or how much. bible, books, homework. painkillers, locket and ring. can't take that long to pack.

this is mainly for the pls: i wore your shoes today. i mean, the heels you bought me. they nearly killed me. do you have any idea how high they are? and i think there's something wrong with the way i walk, because after a while the metal clasp bit into my toe. but hey i'm still going to wear them anyway, because i love sentiment in certain forms =D all right, i'll wear them when i don't have to run after buses or walk great distances. maybe you can buy me a wheelchair for my next birthday?

my mother's coming home. she's going to ask what i've been doing, and frankly, i have no idea. when i'm fifty, i'm going to regret being such a great time-waster. somehow this knowledge does not spur me into instant productivity since i'll probably convince myself that regret is futile. we humans try too hard to rationalise and justify everything.

and bev, when it comes to my turn, i want you to pour ice-cold water over me, because i will be very distracted, dreamy and abstract, and it will be completely misdirected. no fear, i'll slap you silly =D ooh, food.
6:39 PM ; 0 comments

Saturday, June 10, 2006
of beauty

i remember you. quite, quite clearly. you were like wine. which, if you recall, i prefer flavoured. i was reading something that brought you back to mind. normally i keep you hidden at the back, but the resemblance is quite startling in this instance. i don't know french, so the literal translation was used as a reference. sometimes i wish i were more linguistic, but oh well. (i don't mean to be annoyingly cryptic, but.. enjoy? or burn and die, hah!)

Hymne à la Beauté
Hymn to Beauty

Viens-tu du ciel profond ou sors-tu de l'abîme
Do you come from the profound heavens or emerge from the abyss
O Beauté? ton regard, infernal et divin,
O Beauty? your gaze, infernal and divine,
Verse confusément le bienfait et le crime,
Mixes in confusion good deeds and bad,
Et l'on peut pour cela te comparer au vin.
And for that you can be compared to wine.

Tu contiens dans ton œil le couchant et l'aurore;
Your eye holds both sunset and dawn;
Tu répands des parfums comme un soir orageux;
You spread scents like a stormy evening;
Tes baisers sont un philtre et ta bouche une amphore
Your kisses are a philtre, and your mouth an amphora
Qui font le héros lâche et l'enfant courageux.
Which makes a hero a coward, and a child courageous.

Sors-tu du gouffre noir ou descends-tu des astres?
Do you emerge from the darkness of the chasm or descend from the stars?
Le Destin charmé suit tes jupons comme un chien;
Charmed Destiny follows your skirt-tails like a dog;
Tu sèmes au hasard la joie et les désastres,
You haphazardly sow joy and disaster,
Et tu gouvernes tout et ne réponds de rien.
And you govern all and hold responsibility for nothing.

Tu marches sur des morts, Beauté, dont tu te moques;
You walk upon dead men, Beauty, whom you mock;
De tes bijoux l'Horreur n'est pas le moins charmant,
Horror is not the least charming of your jewels,
Et le Meurtre, parmi tes plus chères breloques,
And Murder, among your dearest toys,
Sur ton ventre orgueilleux danse amoureusement.
Dances lovingly upon your proud belly.

L'éphémère ébloui vole vers toi, chandelle,
The dazed mayfly flies towards you, candle,
Crépite, flambe et dit: Bénissons ce flambeau!
Crackles, catches fire, and cries: Let us bless this flame!
L'amoureux pantelant incliné sur sa belle
The panting lover leaning over his beauty
A l'air d'un moribond caressant son tombeau.
Looks like a dead man caressing his tomb.

Que tu viennes du ciel ou de l'enfer, qu'importe,
Whether you come from heaven or from hell, what does it matter,
O Beauté! monstre énorme, effrayant, ingénu!
O Beauty! enormous, terrifying, innocent monster!
Si ton œil, ton souris, ton pied, m'ouvrent la porte
If your eye, your smile, your foot, open a door for me
D'un Infini que j'aime et n'ai jamais connu?
Into an Infinite which I love and have never known?

De Satan ou de Dieu, qu'importe? Ange ou Sirène,
From Satan or from God, what does it matter? Angel or Siren,
Qu'importe, si tu rends, - fée aux yeux de velours,
What does it matter if you render - fairy with velvet eyes,
Rythme, parfum, lueur, ô mon unique reine! -
Rhythm, scent, glow, o my only queen!-
L'univers moins hideux et les instants moins lourds?
The universe less hideous, and the moments less heavy?

i tear dramatically. or did that ruin it for you? and nope, i didn't study afterall. got too caught up reading. read a couple of pages of lolita, decided to save it for the coach journey on monday. i like his style, and the foreword almost succeeded in confusing me. fortunately i'm a big fan of metafiction. oh yeah i think i forgot to mention. lolita was a gift from my sister. very appropriate eighteenth birthday present, i know, but we couldn't find it in the libraries. hardly ever find what i'm looking for there, but occasionally come across great books in the bigger ones. unfortunately, all this translates into my being unable to get any work done (oh, gp *dies dramatically*), much less studying.. i hate love. have i said that before? let me repeat myself. i hate love. sweet oxy-morons. shall pack tomorrow. i love ally's photography. remind me to fall in love with an artist. *thinks of sam's mountain man and sniggers* haha sam, we're just kidding around, you know.. a mountaineer would be perfect for you. honest!
10:58 PM ; 5 comments


afternoon ramblings by yours truly =D (who is apparently in a better mood now)

shall officially start studying today. and shall figure out how to finish studying despite being holed up somewhere in malaysia at camp. dug out all the papers from on top of my desk, under my bed, somewhere between books.. and piled them all neatly on the floor =D the pile comes up to the height of my bed. i'm going to die sorting them out. they used to be according to date, since i just pull everything out of my bag and dump it on the floor about once or twice a week, but seeing how a natural disaster occured yesterday (the pls visited), they are now in neat stacks of randomness. i love how organised i am.

incidentally, my sister appears to have very odd notions of me. she came in the other night asking if she could give away her math tys, and if i had one. i stared at her really strangely and replied that my math grades can't be possibly be abysmal enough for her to think that i've been taking exams for 1 1/2 years without a tys, to which she just snorted with laughter and went back to her room. gahhh. the downside of living with a genius. and being related to it too. i mean, her. the aforementioned genius dreamt that i went to cambridge. she told me when i was semi-conscious, so i just snorted incredulously, told her to keep dreaming, and went back to sleep. impressive imagination, no?

okay back to replying emails.. chris is coming in less than a month!!! HAHHHH BEAT THAT, SUCKERS! you make my day =D (am not intoxicated. maybe it's the chips, hmm. ooh or the chilli padi i had for lunch with some noodles)
4:18 PM ; 0 comments

Friday, June 09, 2006
the smell of smoke

so, it rained for the first time during one of our bbqs. fortunately we were able to pack up and escape upstairs quite quickly. and damn, still haven't cleared the pit. hope they don't fine me. maybe i'll go do it tomorrow before they check. or i could say it was raining, we escaped, and i forgot. but that's a lie!! ugh.

everyone loves roger. okay, most of them. i'm starting to think that in reality i'd go with a mark because rogers are just so intimidatingly.. perfect? in an angsty, sensitive artist kinda way. but mark's just cute in an adorable, geeky sort of way. yup. i think we agreed on that a few hours ago. damn, we talk a lot. and erh i'm glad i got some stuff off my chest. even though it's not the full story (which is too embarrassing to tell, really, i'm a total idiot) and it's just one of many that i never really got around to telling.. thanks for not condemning me.. to my face anyway. gahh i'm so messed up. sorry.

every now and then i get a little scared.. we talk like you're gonna get married, i insist on being made the pianist even though we all know i'd never play in public, we fool around like we did years ago, but we're getting older.. and what if, at the end of all of this, these were just words, just jest? and i'll always be the one jumping up and down, waving her arms in the air yelling, 'i'll be the pianist!! i'll be the pianist!!' and never actually having anyone play the piano for me? yeah i pride myself on being a strong independent woman who believes in her feminist rights, etc etc, and i bet your kids will love me (haaa. okay maybe your dog will..), but what if my dogs hate me? okay that didn't make sense.

feelings.. nothing more than - feelings. am i overly suspicious and cynical, or are you too trusting? am i affecting the others more than i should? maybe they wouldn't have found him suspect if i hadn't pressed on about it. how do you rationalize objectively about something as subjective as a person? everyone has different sides, different facets that show up among different people. ugh. why can't all guys just blow up and die? we were so good without them. we were a team huh. dissing them and laughing at them and coming up with a whole series of actions to ridicule a certain group of them.. in books, on the screen, in songs, we can dissect them and reach objective conclusions. in reality, someone could get hurt and i hope it isn't you, or i'm running over there with a chopper.

oh, by the way, thanks for the shoes!! =D even though everyone looks better in them than me. -_- rather typical of my life, but i'm really pleased with them anyway, they're purple!!! =D and the shade that i love! a bit high, but hell, i could use the elevation. thanks for all the trouble you went through yeah? i love you all. oh crap my eyes are leaking now.
11:41 PM ; 2 comments

Thursday, June 08, 2006
there is no future, there is no past

gahh. haven't gotten any studying done over the past few days. am going for camp next week. the itenary doesn't look all that bad, actually.. damn! this means i won't get any studying done. oh help, why am i such a lousy student? (the little voice in my head is whispering, 'because you're lazy, have no goals and are plain stupid')

watched over the hedge yesterday. hammy is sucha hyperactive, deranged, cute little squirrel. and stella rocks! you go, girl! haha! feminist skunk, interesting. my sister likes the baby porcupines, but then she likes baby everything. she also likes the baby lemur or whatever it is in madagascar that irritates the shit out of me (i realise this is a terrible expression with too many *cough* double meanings that i have unfortunately picked up from other people) because it's so irritatingly teary and high-pitched. well she thinks it's cute. *shrugs*

bbq tomorrow! yayness! =D i wonder who's going to get pushed into the pool.. and it had better not be me, because i'll screech the building down. pity siti isn't coming.. i miss my sheepie..
8:29 PM ; 2 comments

Tuesday, June 06, 2006
little girl hey, the door is that way

if i was madly in love with roger (based on the lyrics and the way he sang them alone) before watching rent, i am now desperately in love with him. and yepp i'm comparing love to a mental disorder. he looks the way i imagine he would, facial expressions and all. sensitive artist sort with a bit of a temper and slightly burnt from the past. add angst and i'm hopelessly snagged. fictional characters will be my downfall. oh well.

couple more hours and i'll be eighteen. going out with my sister tomorrow; she refuses to watch over the hedge, sigh. and she probably won't think it's a good idea to drink anything. i have no idea why i want to try some alcohol right now (the flush of being eighteen that doesn't actually mean anything?) but yeah i'll probably regret it since i get high on sugar alone. so. my eighteenth birthday will be spent watching a non-cartoon movie and daydreaming of roger. hooray.

i just know he'll be in all dreams tonight, now that he has a face as well as a voice. damn. and her face when he sang, 'little girl hey, the door is that way, take your powder, take your candle.. take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette..' see, this is why you don't throw yourself at anyone, no matter how hot you are.. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. damn, latent anger, how hot. oh, and angel's line from christmas bells is quite funny - 'kiss me, it's beginning to snow.' okay so maybe only i think it's funny.

gahhh cannot concentrate cannot concentrate

help, i'm still an incurable romantic after all. damn! so much for self-delusion. and if anyone remembers nightworld.. what's-his-name from huntress.. yeah i had the hots for him years ago, when i first read huntress. he's a bit like roger. hah. and then there's diego.. yep, a definite trend in some aspects. i realise chris will always be madly in love with red. and that if she finds such a person in real life, we'll all roll over and die of laughter.
9:14 PM ; 2 comments

Sunday, June 04, 2006
foursix day!! =D

and so today, the fourth of june, we met again. these gatherings are getting smaller, what with people being busy, sick, or just plain out-of-town. but oh well at least there are still some of us around.

anyway, thank-you-very-much to jan, ally, debra and bev, who attempted to deafen me by popping party poppers at me while i screamed the building down. *coughs* apparently my shrieks, which sounded like someone being raped (how would they know?) could be heard from inside island creamery. hehh. i thought the cake was for us! as in.. a class cake! like a class birthday? hmm. so yeah, thank you very very much =) and jean, i absolutely love your present. it's got that lovely personal touch. when i got to the page with our pictures on it, i wanted to bawl and fling my arms around your neck, but hey, hello self-restraint! i think i smiled a lot today, almost evey picture that was taken of me has me either smiling, laughing, or mock-scowling.

we took a lot of pictures. and hogged a whole table for rather long. but heyy we only meet up like this once a year. celeste has changed quite a lot, she's more feminine now. but hey that's good right? as long as you're happy with yourself, it doesn't matter how other people categorise you. sheeni's as loud as ever. and eunice, yes she will cry very loudly at your funeral, have no fear. emmeline is still a real old ah-ma, van is exactly like a mischevious puppy, ally, debra and vanlee are still happy threesomes, bev is insane, jan keeps breaking into quarrels with everyone around her, jean keeps getting her picture taken, and zhimin made a grand entrance. hooray!

sometimes i worry i'm too flashy. i just bought my first lipstick (haha). i've always had loads of lip glosses thanks to people who keep giving them to me, but i never had a true-blue lipstick. i've got kinda bling shoes and bags, and i wear the craziest accesories. i bet if i wore a potato sack, i'd want to arrange flowers on it or stick grass in my hair. i should start praying to concentrate less on being unique, and concentrate more on bring glory to God.

incidentally, i am not looking forward to the church camp. i've hated every single camp i ever attended except guides camps and the friendship camp in sec3. i can't stand being holed up somewhere with a group of people i don't know very well or don't like, i dislike being told what to do within a given amount of time, i like bathing and sleeping at my own times, and most of all, i hate eating with other people. i just don't. unless i'm really comfortable with them and i have the liberty to come and go and sit as i please. eating is a very personal thing, mass eating in a great hall with a whole lot of noisy people is enough to ruin my appetite. ughhhhhhhhh. why can't i just stay home and listen to tapes of the messages? i don't have to be there physically to benefit. i think i actually, physically, dislike being with hordes of people. damn. now i have to go look at pictures of today and all our crazy antics to cheer up.
9:17 PM ; 0 comments

Thursday, June 01, 2006
your silhouette

i am teething. as amusing as that may sound, coming from a soon-to-be eighteen-year-old, it's true. and painful. am mournful and sulky as a result. whined to my sister but she just laughed. i don't see the point in having wisdom teeth, really. i'll fly into a rage if they don't all fit neatly into my jaw. i didn't need braces before, and i don't want to extract anything unnecessarily. gah.

oh, and i'll be down in town tomorrow all day selling pinwheels. it'd be really nice if you could drop by to buy one or two. i'll even flash you a big toothy smile. and refrain from biting. =D

why is jean always busy on my birthday? and my family too. we hardly ever celebrate it on the actual date nowadays. maybe i'll just oh, start doing my gp homework on my eighteenth birthday. hahaha at least it'll be better than last year, when i got hauled off to UH camp and caused a scandal by bathing with sam. how was i supposed to know that most girls don't bathe with their friends? we always changed in front of each other in guides.

i rather like roger, somehow, despite his initial cowardice. i like the way he sings certain lines - 'take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette', 'i'm not lying, i've been trying, no one's perfect - i've got baggage', 'i should tell you i'm disaster' and yeah he sings it a lot better. lots of emotion, rather convincing, etc. and yeah hell i like roger, he's the archetypal songwriter type with skeletons in the closet. but i guess everyone has secrets to hide. i tend to like fictional characters because they are perfect in their imperfections, whereas i'm not sure i can handle imperfect imperfections.
9:52 PM ; 2 comments