Monday, July 17, 2006
another ditch in the road

feeling really queasy right now. i think i overdid the painkiller thing. but there's nothing else to do about it. i wonder what induced it this time.

every time i go to borders i see books i'd love to buy or just read, but i can't afford to buy books on a whim. and they're never available at the public libraries. wonder what it's like to be able to buy every single book i want to - white oleander, bel canto, midnight's children, all the others that i pick up and have to put down again. but i don't want to be rich. i'm scared of being rich. of having so much that the little things stop mattering, of having too much to see what i really do have. i hope it hasn't come to that already.

i've been thinking.. if i even dare to dream. even putting a dream into words is taboo. i can't afford to be disappointed. and while i still have something to lose - my pride - i'm not sure i can even dream. it isn't the actual step that scares me.. it's the dreaming about it that does.

i imagine this song would have a fantastic piano score. shall hunt for it soon. 2 beds and a coffee machine, by savage garden.

And she takes another step
Slowly she opens the door
Check that he is sleeping
Pick up all the broken glass
And furniture on the floor
Been up half the night screaming
Now it's time to get away
Pack up the kids in the car
Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write

Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

And there are children to think of
Baby's asleep in the back seat
Wonder how they'll ever make it
Through this living nightmare
But the mind is an amazing thing
Full of candy dreams and new toys
And another cheap hotel
Two beds and a coffee machine
But there are groceries to buy
And she knows she'll have to go home

Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

Another bruise to try and hide
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Silent fortress built to last
Wonder how I ever made it

... and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors...
8:26 PM ; 4 comments