Tuesday, July 18, 2006
or you could just stay in the ditch

i don't want to go to school anymore. i know, everyone feels like this every once in a while, but i honestly don't. except i know i have to - i fall so far behind every time i miss lessons, and i can't afford to. i don't know what i'm doing anymore. did it always feel like this? like the only things that make sense are books and music. nothing to say to anyone anymore. sure i'll talk to you, but that doesn't mean i actually have anything to say. i'm tired. they say you begin to die when you are born. what if time were to stand still? only tired or love-sick people ever want time to stand still. everyone else wants it to race along to the end of its course. is this how it's gonna be? drugged and numbed every morning before i'm even awake enough to get my bearings. there's always a tradeoff between mindnumbing pain and mindnumbing tiredness. and i have to choose soon. if you tell me this is all life's gonna be, i choose the easy way out.

the tide will turn, won't it? some days i think of you, in a purely theorectical, un-emotionally-invested, what-if sort of way. and i realise i would still have done everything i did, because in the end my pride wins, every time.
8:32 PM ; 0 comments