Friday, July 21, 2006
there's hope in the darkness

just got back from yacg. i don't regret going, or giving it a shot. i guess it's about time i stopped being such a hermit in church. although i almost couldn't crawl out of bed in time. my sister tried to wake me up, and my mind was screaming for me to just move a muscle, just twitch, just roll out, but i couldn't drag myself upright. well, until i reminded myself that fatigue is no excuse, particularly when it'll always be there. during the prayer request time, my sister brought up my fibromyalgia. she asked if it was okay if she shared it, and i have no idea why i agreed to it, when most of my friends never knew, even she herself didn't know until this morning. she, because i forgot to tell her when i was first diagnosed (i assumed my parents would, and anyway i didn't know how to put it into words), and my friends, because i hate feeling like i'm in the middle of the storm in a teacup. but this time i let her share. and thankfully no one made a big deal, no overly-concerned questions, and i hope they won't bring it up everytime they see me, because i'm more than just a person with a disorder. i'm still me, and i need people to be able to treat me the way they always did. i mean they never suspected for years, so it shouldn't make a difference now. we'll see how it goes. but i'm pretty optimistic about where this is headed. spiritual growth, more discipline when it comes to studying the bible.. and maybe sunday will be more than just hurrying in and hurrying out.

been trying to keep track of things in my little journal, but too many things keep happening. i'll probably be trying out different permutations of my medication, since today's try didn't work out too well. but hey, i'm a neat puker. and i didn't even need anyone to run into the toilet after me and hold back my hair or rub my back. quite pleased that i'm learning self-sufficiency. we'll see if i still react to the new medication tomorrow. hopefully not, throwing up left me extremely drained all day (which contributed to my constant napping and snapping at people), and now i get abdominal pains whenever i eat.

gonna prepare sunday's lesson, then off to bed.. may tomorrow be a better day. 'tomorrow' can be so filled with hope. maybe i'm learning to hope again. maybe, just maybe. (but the higher you fly, the harder you fall)
11:05 PM ; 0 comments