Sunday, July 30, 2006
tower out of steel and stone

my kids are so cute, i tell you. they're performing a few songs for teachers' day, so we have to prepare them for their item. and i'm not accompanying them on the piano, whew. i (sneakily, haha) pointed out to the supervisor that she has a daughter who plays the piano, so she's doing it, yay! the kids sing quite well so far.. the girls, anyway. for some reason the boys don't stand together, and a few of them think they're too cool to sing. there's one particular little boy, however, who throws his shoulders back, adopting a stance that i think he picked up from watching tenors sing on-stage, and belts out his part in a voice that certainly does not sound girly. interesting. must remember to ask him during the next practice exactly whom he's imtating. but the girls are fine.. they don't seem to care whether they sound horrible or not, and they don't, anyway, for most part. just terribly enthusiastic =D i realise i survived a month of teaching them after three months off. and i agreed to teach next year too, since i'll be staying in singapore. don't know which class i'll be assigned to - i usually take whatever they give me.

another year's passing by - we're getting old, aren't we? only eighteen. already eighteen. we'll never be eighteen again. half of it is gone. i remember wanting to hold on to sweet sixteen, wanting to savour it and make it last forever, because i knew i'd never get it back. and because i knew we'd never be that way again, together. funny i don't really care much about holding on to this year. sometimes i think i know what i'm doing. then some idealistic soul writes an article that i'm unfortunate enough to read in the weekly, and i wonder what the hell i'm doing with my life until reality kicks in and i climb back on the wheel. by the way, page is still shedding. it's kinda annoying, she's got fur everywhere. so. reality is going to kick in soon and i'll be off to do my econs hwk for tmr. and think about everything i have to do this week, including make presents (which i don't mind doing, i just don't like feeling obliged to fit something that should be beautiful and sentimental into my schedule), panic completely and grind down my teeth at night from anxiety regarding my inability to control my own damned life.

incidentally, i had a pretty weird dream last night. a vision, a prophecy, heaven's warning? who knows. probably just a dream. anyway, i dreamt i was relief-teaching english at this neighbourhood secondary school (that i doubt even exists because it had the lamest name ever - springs secondary school - sss hahahaha shit i hope it doesn't exist). and it was so badly run that there wasn't even a syllabus for the curriculum and i had to come up with one myself. but for some reason i was all inspired and motivated and determined to make a difference in these jaded, gangster-ish students' lives. which is quite a laugh because i am, in reality, uninspired, uninspiring, unmotivated and unmotivating. okay, that's not something i think potential parents want to know about an individual who aspires to be a teacher (because she does not dream big dreams, and never really thought of being anything else. she suspects she has been brainwashed by her mother from a young age). but yes, anyway. maybe this is my calling! hah! i feel so motivated now! okay the feeling faded. the neighbour's dog barked and brought me back to my jaded reality. now i'm honestly wondering if i'm meant to teach in a developing country under the dusty stars, or in a centre for disabled children, or in a mainstream school. or if i should just be a lawyer like my father wanted me to. nah, not the last one. i'm too lazy. maybe i'll force someone to marry me (with the help of self-indulgent, bad-emo poetry, black roses with the thorns still on their stems, and lots of cheap bubbly! haha) and then i'll be a housewife who spends her days brandishing her broom threateningly at the neighbourhood children. ooh the last picture seems to fit me the best. i'd probably do a lot of ultrasonic shouting as well. maybe i'd shout at him til he divorces me, and then i'd live off the proceeds til i die, lonely and bitter, a forgotten skeleton buried under a pile of dusty books, with my trusty rottweiler howling at the moon outside my door. wow. i am amazingly optimistic.

could not find the scores i wanted. might have known. c'est la vie.
9:21 PM ; 0 comments