Saturday, July 29, 2006
untitled. (whee so pseud)

i realise i stutter sometimes. even when i'm not nervous. just when i'm thinking about something else, and my mouth speeds-halts-speeds ahead of my brain. okay, i stutter a lot now that i think about it. how embarrassing. (actually i thought of it because i stutter when i talk to my co-teacher, and i was preparing for tomorrow's lesson, so.. yeah.)

another time, another place. now, where did i hear that from? probably a song.

regained my appetite, and all the weight i lost last week along with it. it's easier to be all floaty and dreamy (and to others, sleepy) when you're undernourished and living on bread and milk. but i guess i emo better when i eat enough to sustain all the emo-ing?

celebrated hy's birthday last night. was not a class thing (obviously) and since no one who didn't go is going to read this, i'm not going to be all politically correct about it. never am, anyway. tried sashimi. it's not that fantastic, but then i'm all plebian. we ate in very romantic semi-darkness. well as far as i know, only the birthday girl (be-early?) couldn't see what she was eating. ask her what chasoba dipped in tempura sause tastes like if you're wondering. discovered earlier in the afternoon that sara is very fun to tease (she fell for my 'secret' stunt twice, despite my face obviously giving my evil intentions away), and she tricked me back at max brenner's with her stupid pepo thing. gah. and i was being so careful, too. hy wanted me to pose as a transverstite to seduce the waiter into letting us in. okay so i have short hair (it's growing!), am flatter than everyone else (wish it were growing) and don't wear my school skirt short, but that doesn't qualify me as the most guy-looking. in fact i flatter myself that i am very feminine. oh well. maybe i give off gay vibes. geez. that would explain my love life. incidentally, two classmates informed me on the way there (and with extremely straight faces) that i'm unmarriable (there you go, mellie. i told you so). was horribly stunned since i never told them of my spinsterly ambitions but one of them also thought i was going to be a nun. except now she knows i'm not catholic. but i am unmarriable (because i scare them all away, apparently. is it my face or do they hear traces of my mother when i shout?), so stop writing toasts for my wedding dinner. ain't gonna happen, baby. but i will adopt, if you care to think of chinese names for all my four children.

listening to 'if i were gay' again. it cracks me up. surprisingly, not everyone thinks it's funny. okay, i do have some mildly-but-unoffensively homophobic friends. like jean, jan and gen. hell, most of my friends. which is good, i guess? for them. i wonder how they stand me. maybe i shouldn't wonder too much, it isn't good for my self-esteem. jan thought angel and collins would be sweeter if angel were a girl. i really like the actor who played angel though. i thought he was really funny. when his agent didn't tell him for a week that he'd gotten the part for rent, he said, 'you can't do this to me, man! i'm an actor - i'm sensitive!' very cute.

re-painted my toenails black and silver on thursday. haven't done any homework since then - been pretty much mooning around watching friends and eating nachos with my left hand.

when she leaves, it'll be the end of another phase of my life. i keep having these dreams of us. and we're always so happy in them. were we really that happy, or is my memory rose-tinted already? the twentydollar note still in my wallet, that you gave to me at the airport even though you were so stringent with your spending. you never even splurged on food. you, the food junkie. i meant to give it back, but i guess you're right. keeping it means i'll be back some day, right? it means i won't kill myself anytime soon, it means i'll see you again. it means we'll sit by the river and dip our toes into the water and play with the sand and take pictures of the sunset and have pillow fights until we roll over and you keep me up with your snoring. i whine and nitpick as if i can't stand you a lot, but it's just because i'm not so good with the terms of endearment. i'm not the sort to turn up at anyone's graduation with roses and a card. i'm the person who'd make you a notebook of quotes and hide it in your bag, because i don't know how to give it to you. because i'm (to be plebby about it) lame and retarded. but then you know it already, after six years and a gazillion fake fights. and a few real ones, maybe? i don't remember the fights. they're the memories that are easily replaced with happier sunset ones.
9:33 PM ; 3 comments