Wednesday, August 23, 2006


i haven't done my math homework for tomorrow. i don't know what i'm going to do. there's no way i can finish it in time - it took me an hour to do a question in class (but only because my math is abysmal) - and what am i going to say to the teacher? 'sorry, i didn't feel like doing my homework yesterday'? or maybe 'i spent the whole night online with a friend, generating enough angst to fly us both to the moon'?

because we've stopped hoping. because we've stopped seeing the need for company, for conversation, for anything beyond our choosing. because i still imagine i know what she's thinking, how she's feeling, even after years of establishing that we'll never know each other's thoughts in their entirety. because crying's like opening a can of worms that slither down your back and devour your dignity. because an invisible line runs across my wrist, an invisible line with invisible instructions.

and because even when i've run out of words to say to her, i still love her, because i couldn't stop, wouldn't know how to stop, even if i wanted to.

there's this perpetual feeling of sinking slowly and effortlessly through a thick semi-liquid body of gel. unstoppable, uncontrollable, almost graceful. a fall you can't fight. with no one to break it, and nothing to break it on. a life, a love, a purpose she wanted like falling. a disastrous, suicidal step towards the ledge - arms outstretched - bent knee, pointed toe, a slow fluid descent into anything that dared to make sense. and all i remember is the love she wanted like falling.

even in solitude.
10:04 PM ; 0 comments